


Lost

by sabretoothandsin (fickle_fixations)



Category: NEEDTOBREATHE (Band)
Genre: Angst, Brothers, Depression, Dissociation, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-11
Updated: 2020-10-11
Packaged: 2021-03-07 17:22:05
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 870
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26941324
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fickle_fixations/pseuds/sabretoothandsin
Summary: You remember what I told youSomeday, I'll need your spine to hide behind.....I am lost this timeBear didn’t want to move. Nothing outside this room would make living more appealing. It made no difference whether he lay here for the rest of his life or not. He couldn’t think, but he couldn’t do anything either. Everything was dark.
Relationships: Bo Rinehart & Bear Rinehart





	Lost

**Author's Note:**

> lyrics and inspiration from Lost by Dermot Kennedy

Bear couldn’t remember what he had been doing earlier. He just knew everything was dark in himself. Everything he saw and felt was hazy. Not like a dream. Like a sickness, but he knew he wasn’t sick. He was heavy. He was so tired. He didn’t want to move. Nothing outside this room would make living more appealing. It made no difference whether he lay here for the rest of his life or not. He couldn’t think, but he couldn’t do anything either. Everything was dark.

He heard the padding of little feet from the opposite direction of where he was facing.

“Daddy, are’ya comin to dinner?” a little voice said.

Bear thought his eyes were open. He supposed he could see the bright little face in front of him. But he wasn’t really seeing anything.

Dinner. Had he really been here that long?

“What’s wrong?” the little boy said. 

“Daddy’s pretty tired, Wildman,” Bear was able to get his eyes to smile for a moment, but gosh it was so hard to even say those few words. “I’m just gonna stay here instead, ok?” 

“Ok.. Sleep tight” his son said, awkwardly and confused.

Yeah, that was his son. 

Why couldn’t he bring himself to do anything for his own son?

He didn’t move an inch after Wilder left the room.

Later, he had no idea how much later, he heard a knock on the door.

“Hey, Babe, you alright?” 

A woman’s voice.

He didn’t answer. He couldn’t.

She rested a hand on his back as she sat on the floor so she could see his face.

He didn’t react to her touch, he just wanted to sink into the bed and be alone in this darkness.

“Wilder said you weren’t gonna eat but you’ve been in here for hours.”

“I’m ok, I just need a couple more minutes.” 

He couldn’t even feel himself speaking.

“Bear, it’s almost midnight.”

He didn’t care, but part of him knew that meant something was wrong.

He just looked at her. What he could feel was the deadness in his eyes. 

He felt his face get heavier. 

He thought he closed his eyes, now, but it didn’t make any difference.

Next time they opened, it was when she came in the room again. She just stood in the doorway, though.

“I’m sorry, I know it’s the middle of the night,” she said quietly, “He just hasn’t moved since, probably this afternoon. He won’t talk to me. Gosh, I can hardly tell if he’s breathing.”

He was pretty sure he was, but then again he couldn’t really tell either.

“I just don’t know what to do,” she went on. 

At some point she hung up the phone.

He must have done something to alert her that he was awake, because she came and sat down by him again. She was doing something. Bear’s eyes didn’t care to tell him what.

“Bear, I’ve got Bo on the phone,” she said gently. She touched his arm again.

Time was nothing. The moments between all the events since this afternoon could have had centuries or seconds between them. 

Time must have been dead. 

Everything was dead. 

He was dead. 

And yet he wasn’t.

“-as quick as you can,” she had said.

Bear could hear the voice on the other end of the line.

‘ actually alread - d to come over - knew some - wrong’ 

Well, part of the voice.

That was his brother. He liked his brother’s voice.

Then, his brother was there. He heard his voice outside the room.

“He’s in here. I don’t know what’s wrong.”

Then he was kneeling in front of him.

His brother’s eyes looked up into his.

They were blue. A bright blue.

He still felt so dead and everything besides his brother’s eyes was still so dark.

But now he hated it. He hated this heavy feeling of living death that pinned him to exactly where he was on that bed.

His brother - his brother Bo, sat near him on the bed, his legs curled so that he was sitting on his heels.

His fingers ran through his hair. 

“Li?”

He was sure he felt that.

Bear wanted to move. Part of him thought he might want to live. 

Bo scooched closer to him.

He felt something. 

He felt pain in his chest. And it ran so deep. 

He felt storms in his head and an aching in his body and soul.

As things were starting to become a little less hazy, he moved.

His shoulders, so painfully jerked and he closed the inches between them. He wrapped his arms around his brother’s waist and he sobbed into his lap. 

Something was wrong. He knew it now.

He could feel himself sputtering out words. 

“It’s… I’m-”

Empty. Dead. Hurt. Haze. Dark. Wrong.

He couldn’t find the right word.

Bo knew.

He could feel Bo’s hand in his hair. The weight of his arm on him. That weight seemed to free him from the weight coming from inside himself. These things were real.

“You’re gonna be ok,” 

He could hear those words. They were real. 

As long as he was where he was now, he thought he just might be able to believe them.

**Author's Note:**

> I know you'd never leave me behind  
> But I am lost this time  
> Are we destined to burn or will we last the night?  
> I will hold you 'til I hold you right  
> But if only you could see yourself in my eyes  
> You'd see you shine, you shine
> 
> You can check out my Tumblr for more content and information about my writing :)


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